I finished writing

Yup, it has been a very long time since I came here. But I have not really been away...I have been writing though not on the blog.  Why, because I was writing in preparation for my book :)

I Finished it!  I still have to do the editing and revision and I plan to finish it before end of the year, so it is ready and out in the bookshops by Feb or March.

One thing that I learnt during this process that I think any aspiring writer must know.  It is a must. 

"NOTHING IS THAT DIFFICULT".

My dream to write grew with me since I was 6 or so.. and it grew beyond me.  I thought it was extremely difficult to write.  I thought I had to be Tawfik El Hakim or Naguib Mahfouz to write.  And then, when things changed and many people started to write, I thought no body would write in English here.  Then I thought nobody would read in English here.  Then I thought nobody would publish here.  None of that is true. 

We grow inside of us limiting beliefs planted in failures or disappointments... or sometimes arising from other people;s comments.  But none of that is definite.  And none of that is definitely true.  Truth is what you make true. 

Even when all the above was proven wrong...just the fact that I am writing for the book made writing more difficult as if I had to have some kind of stamp on my hands before hitting the keyboard...though here I am liberated from the idea of the book writing easily and quickly on all my 3 blogs.  It is all in our heads.  Why we fill our heads with those limiting beliefs.. till they outgrow us is the question.

But do not spend much time on the "why", because what is more important is the "How". How to not let those beliefs grow bigger...how to conquer them and the answer I think is by action..take a step against this limiting belief, then another and then forever.  And if you fall, which is highly probable, do not bother much...keep going till the experience shapes a new belief and the new belief creates a new experience.
 

Back on track!

It is been very very long.. wasn't it?  I have been busy with all sorts of stuff... not much writing though.  I have written a few blogs on my other blog, I have reviewed various ideas concerning my book.  I have made some writing out of the blog, as well and I have even wrote some blogs in Arabic (in my copybook at home:)...

So, yes... sort of lazy.. but not that bad..

And I have done 2 more things! I have ventured to contact a publishing house...and to get some of their books..and read most of them... and found them really nice...

I have met the publisher...and we discussed... and I realized that we all have huge illusions in our heads!

As a kid, I used to think that I would be a writer.. As I grew older I looked around, and I found that I was too tiny compared to other authors then like Tawfik el Hakim or Youssef Idris.. and then I dropped it totally.

Then, came a time where almost nobody was reading in Egypt, and I was not writing..so, I believed that was not a good time..

When these were no longer obstacles, and the market was introducing more and more new writers, I managed successfully to create new obstacles, that seemed so concrete, that I did not doubt their existence.  I always said them in a voice that was not so 100% convinced, but the reality was that I was totally into them.

The obstacle was "I write mostly in English.  Who would read that in Egypt?"  and followed of course "I write things that are deep, how many people would be interested?" .  Then a third obstacle shown up "what shape should it take fiction or non fiction?"

And after elaborately organizing one item over another, it was very easy to stop taking any actions, even if these actions would be a harmless phone call..

Today, I realized that English books in Egypt might have higher readership... that English was not ever a problem, nor the type of book.. nor the shape...and for a few seconds, I was shushed.  "how could I so cleverly convince myself of these things and believe them without doubt, when they for a matter-of-fact were not true?"

How often I have done this to me? How many years were wasted... how many dreams forgotten?? How could we keep doing that to ourselves?

Un ecrivain?? a writer?

As I was in the taxi in Paris heading to a business dinner on the boat, the driver and I started a conversation.  " So, what do you work in? Finance?"
" No, not at all"
"so what are you working? it's not Finance..sure.. so..um...You are in the arts.. cinema?? "
"No, no arts.."
"You have one more guess. One only" I said laughing.
"One.. only one?" He said in real childish eagerness, as if a little boy was trying to solve a puzzle.  I even thought, may be I could bargain with him on the taxi fees based on that.. just to justify his eagerness.
"I know what you are.. Un mystere (a mystery).. that's it.."
"No" laughingly I said.
"Un ecrivain?? (a writer)  He said as if he found a real answer.
"Not yet.  May be in 6 months, I will be able to say yes" I told him.

And I wondered.  Would it really be true? and in my heart, it felt far easier than I thought it would.

This conversation, light-hearted and childish as it is, keep revisiting me, as a soft souvenir from Paris.  The driver, as he told me afterwards, has been writing diaries for a loooong time.  "What a treasure". I told him.  Imagine documenting your life, with all the learnings within the pain and all the joys within your days..

And again, I felt grateful for the blog and all the realizations it has opened to me.  I do not like advice.  I, actually, hate them.  But I would tell you to consider journaling, if you like writing, for it is like taking photos of all the special places.. no, of all the places.. of you growing up.. What a treasure indeed!

Been some time

It has been some time since I visited this blog. I have been writing on the other blog though and I have been travelling for business and for
diving..and going through ups and downs.

I haven't, however, forgotten the book. It hangs from my clothes like a drooling baby; or sometimes, I feel like a curse that will only be broken once the book walks cradled in my arms warmly touched by the sun.

The baby, though not fully cared for, was of course not silent.

Let me tell u. A couple of weeks ago, I met someone, a very nice and professional person who works in e- marketing. I met him for business consultation. The conversation, on its own accord, decided to drift to other things and there I was telling Moustafa about how I love writing and my dream book.
My "obstacle" logically speaking is that my blog wouldn't qualify as a book in Egypt because first: it was in English, 2nd: it was self help and deep sometimes and I am not sure of the size of the audience and 3rd: these are articles!!!! A book should look like a book.. Chapters and stuff and to me all things get intertwined and sometimes entangled and something about the organization of the chapters always locked me in.

His reply was a book written by a friend of his. Her name is Yusra Badr. She recently published a book and guess what? In Egypt, in English, chapters but like articles and deep!!

All my unfounded objections disappeared! And in their place came the word: possible!

I am reading her book "it's all in my head" and I find it simple, conversational, deep and intersting..some of her sentences stick in my head and I catch myself toying with them in my head in the car!

How many of our dreams are reluctantly moving in 1m sq. because of some stinky beliefs? I quote my 9-year old philospher (my son) : "everything is possible".

I quote the NLP presupposition which says that if someone else has done it, anyone can do it.

And God's willing you'll be seeing more of me on this blog :) keep checking and I promise to send you a book soon..

where it comes from..

One of the objectives of this blog is to inspire you to express... Me, I am already inspired.  I had a conversation with a friend.  I talked about this new blog and my commitment to write. I sat down and put some ideas on a mind map and as I was explaining, she told me " it looks like a project!" and I said "it is a project, in a way" and I have to finish it on a certain deadline.  We talked about it and I realized that it was not me talking.  It was my bloody saboteur, a new ugly one that looks as if he is knowledgeable enough to dictate to me what I should write and how I should write it. 

In my other blog, I talked about saboteurs, so I am just gonna hint on it: those silly logical voices in your head that do their best to preserve the status quo.. and you would think that this saboteur is trying to help right? I mean pushing me to write in a systematic and organized way according to a certain plan and meeting a stupid deadline??

"you write articles.. some are really good.. the ones I do not like very much are the ones you said you force yourself to write them". 

"well, yeah.. I remember". "The ones that get the higher views are those that take a piece of me.. a charge of me when they come out.. but in which I also use my brains a little.."

She then continued " you can write a book and meet a deadline.. but it can come flat.. not nice ..you are writing this book for yourself.. you are writing it because you want to write it..if you are writing for a deadline.. it might not turn the way you want"

"SHHH.. " I said. something was stirring inside of me...I was trying to catch it and see how it looks like, it was a bit indecipherable at the moment, but my friend kept talking "SHHH" I said again..and then it came "When we talk or act.. it depends on where this act is coming from.. so if we are talking from a place of love or authority or apology, it shows and it impacts accordingly others, even if it is the same words" I said.  " so, may be.. I should.. (Oh this damn saboteur should again) .. May be I can create it out of a place of forgiving where there are no "shoulds", no pressure to publish, no timeline that is suffocating but only guiding.. a place of loving.. but loving what or who?... people.. myself.. "
"and life.. and the joie de vivre" she continued.."and I see it as a sort of funny.. your way of funny"

And gradually, the pressure was gone.. and I feel like writing for fun.. for me.. for people to be happy.. for the baby (metaphorically speaking :)  inside of me who will not come to the world crying but rather giggling and making soft funny noises..

It is now more of a place of greenery... trees...soft breeze..little flowers.... this is where I am creating the book from: my heart!

TODAY.. is where I start

I started reading a book called the Power of Less.. seems extremely interesting, but I have only read a couple of pages.  It says we need to simplify.  And being so confused, I decided to write down all the things inside and outside in an attempt to put it out and kind of sort it out, too..

Instead of eliminating, I have added one thing: THIS NEW BLOG! Yet, I am not frustrated.  Because, I will eleminate during the next 3 weeks some stuff, and I will jump on things and grab them and finish them instead of plaaaaaaniiiiinggg.. for ages. 

The first article in this blog "I guess I have to give something up" was originally written in my first blog "diaries of a soul miner".  And I have decided to create this one, because it will mark my way to the book.  My baby. My original baby. The baby I had since I was 9 I guess. The baby who is being formed for years now.  I thought, if blogging is so interesting and so committing, why not celebrate, enjoy and discover my journey to writing this book.

Blogging has turned out to be more fun and more real than many other things. Than, for example, the charts and plans I made. 

So, I am not going to ask you to be patient. I am going only to ask you to join me in this adventure.  The book I dreamed of.. The book whose words are filling me for years, with strangled alphabets swimming all over me.  I believe when this blog is over, my book will be in my hands :)

The beginning...

Dear Blog,

I am writing today because I am very confused. I have always loved a life that is full. At work, whenever I took a job in, it usually started calmly (except my one which was chaos right from the start), and then I took on things.. and then I created things.. and those things had babies and sisters and families and all of a sudden I would find myself, literally not finding a spare minute.

I started working early on at 18 keeping myself busy. Even my part-time, free-lance fun job as movie translator.. I managed to turn it hectic and over-loading. I took more and more and stayed up late translating for the deadline.

I had no financial responsibilities then, I mean of course it was pretty nice and self-inflating to get well paid when I was 18, but it was never money that motivated me.

And now it is not much different. I have left the multinational world and work as a part time HR head in a local company, which I assume should have been less hectic. In a year, I have managed to do the same thing. I over loaded myself with objectives every year as if life would end after this. As if I have one damn chance to finish it all. Pretty psycho... isn't it?

The problem is, I have dreams.. big and colourful.. I have a lot of dreams. There is my company that I am currently creating with the documentation, the website, the brochure, the services... there is this blog, there is the book I am DYING to write, and it is crying out to get out of me every second of the day! There are of course my kids and my family. There are my friends.. lots of friends..

Shall I go more: diving trips, trips abroad; both are essential oxygen to a true Sagittarius. Parents, that I love and want to take care of. My second Masters degree, in which, for no urgent reasons, I enrolled a year ago and did nothing about so far.. except studying every now and then..

Favours and support I do to others whenever I can.

Coaching, which I do little of .

Workshops. Fun and lovely

The problem truly is not in being occupied all the time. That is not it. Problem is not being unable to have fun, cos' I do have fun!

Problem is, My dreams... colourful as they are... always somehow end up last in the list.. never done. And something in me is screaming loudly : YOUR BOOK!!!!!! YOUR COMPANY!!! YOUR COACHING!!! These voices, unfortunately, are insatiable, just like me. They ask for many things. I wish they would ask for one. Get satisfied with one..

I always think I will be on time for an appointment. I always think there is enough time to take a shower, linger with a cup of coffee... get nicely dressed and get there on time. But, I almost never do!! and never change!

Is it the same syndrome: ME : the unbeatable?? ME who can take it all? whether it is obligations, invitations, requests, meetings, outings, trips, even pains.. me who can take it all??
Well, that is quite a positive look at myself I guess. It must be far better than thinking I can't take any of it. As I write this, I remember times when I did say that actually "I can't do this anymore". I remember times when my oxygen levels were metaphorically speaking low and I had to get out.

I don't say NO. That is another issue. No is a big no no.. No can hurt others. No can deprive me of chances and opportunities. No, means not going through an open door, that might be closed later on.

A sentence rings in my ears. A sentence I read when I was studying coaching, the module on Balance. Let me fetch it for you guys. Here it is

" Balance is about learning to say no, not only to the yucky, drippy stuff that no one wants anyway, but to the good stuff too." " That apple pie looks mighty good, but I AM FULL. Thank you, but NO." It's about learning to be done rather than trying to always finish and about choosing the experiences we want to have rather than dashing about trying to have all of them."

I guess as I copy this down..what I feel is : I REST MY CASE. I Guess I have to give something up. FOR NOW... But they are all my babies.. how can I do that?? But unless I have been blessed with being pregnant in sextuplets (6 babies) that is not very likely to happen? Right?? So, it seems as if I am pregnant in one or max. 2 and for no urgent reasons (again) I am adopting babies.. which is a fine cause.. but why at the same time??

I guess... what I have to do is identify my original babies...and postpone adoption for a while.. Also, In real life with babies.. you do not really keep planning everyday ( I tried.. I swear and it did not work at all) you just go and do what it takes at the time.. just go and finish the task at hand because the baby is crying. And right now.. I can hear one baby crying louder than the rest; MY BOOK....

Thank you blog :)