where it comes from..

One of the objectives of this blog is to inspire you to express... Me, I am already inspired.  I had a conversation with a friend.  I talked about this new blog and my commitment to write. I sat down and put some ideas on a mind map and as I was explaining, she told me " it looks like a project!" and I said "it is a project, in a way" and I have to finish it on a certain deadline.  We talked about it and I realized that it was not me talking.  It was my bloody saboteur, a new ugly one that looks as if he is knowledgeable enough to dictate to me what I should write and how I should write it. 

In my other blog, I talked about saboteurs, so I am just gonna hint on it: those silly logical voices in your head that do their best to preserve the status quo.. and you would think that this saboteur is trying to help right? I mean pushing me to write in a systematic and organized way according to a certain plan and meeting a stupid deadline??

"you write articles.. some are really good.. the ones I do not like very much are the ones you said you force yourself to write them". 

"well, yeah.. I remember". "The ones that get the higher views are those that take a piece of me.. a charge of me when they come out.. but in which I also use my brains a little.."

She then continued " you can write a book and meet a deadline.. but it can come flat.. not nice ..you are writing this book for yourself.. you are writing it because you want to write it..if you are writing for a deadline.. it might not turn the way you want"

"SHHH.. " I said. something was stirring inside of me...I was trying to catch it and see how it looks like, it was a bit indecipherable at the moment, but my friend kept talking "SHHH" I said again..and then it came "When we talk or act.. it depends on where this act is coming from.. so if we are talking from a place of love or authority or apology, it shows and it impacts accordingly others, even if it is the same words" I said.  " so, may be.. I should.. (Oh this damn saboteur should again) .. May be I can create it out of a place of forgiving where there are no "shoulds", no pressure to publish, no timeline that is suffocating but only guiding.. a place of loving.. but loving what or who?... people.. myself.. "
"and life.. and the joie de vivre" she continued.."and I see it as a sort of funny.. your way of funny"

And gradually, the pressure was gone.. and I feel like writing for fun.. for me.. for people to be happy.. for the baby (metaphorically speaking :)  inside of me who will not come to the world crying but rather giggling and making soft funny noises..

It is now more of a place of greenery... trees...soft breeze..little flowers.... this is where I am creating the book from: my heart!

TODAY.. is where I start

I started reading a book called the Power of Less.. seems extremely interesting, but I have only read a couple of pages.  It says we need to simplify.  And being so confused, I decided to write down all the things inside and outside in an attempt to put it out and kind of sort it out, too..

Instead of eliminating, I have added one thing: THIS NEW BLOG! Yet, I am not frustrated.  Because, I will eleminate during the next 3 weeks some stuff, and I will jump on things and grab them and finish them instead of plaaaaaaniiiiinggg.. for ages. 

The first article in this blog "I guess I have to give something up" was originally written in my first blog "diaries of a soul miner".  And I have decided to create this one, because it will mark my way to the book.  My baby. My original baby. The baby I had since I was 9 I guess. The baby who is being formed for years now.  I thought, if blogging is so interesting and so committing, why not celebrate, enjoy and discover my journey to writing this book.

Blogging has turned out to be more fun and more real than many other things. Than, for example, the charts and plans I made. 

So, I am not going to ask you to be patient. I am going only to ask you to join me in this adventure.  The book I dreamed of.. The book whose words are filling me for years, with strangled alphabets swimming all over me.  I believe when this blog is over, my book will be in my hands :)

The beginning...

Dear Blog,

I am writing today because I am very confused. I have always loved a life that is full. At work, whenever I took a job in, it usually started calmly (except my one which was chaos right from the start), and then I took on things.. and then I created things.. and those things had babies and sisters and families and all of a sudden I would find myself, literally not finding a spare minute.

I started working early on at 18 keeping myself busy. Even my part-time, free-lance fun job as movie translator.. I managed to turn it hectic and over-loading. I took more and more and stayed up late translating for the deadline.

I had no financial responsibilities then, I mean of course it was pretty nice and self-inflating to get well paid when I was 18, but it was never money that motivated me.

And now it is not much different. I have left the multinational world and work as a part time HR head in a local company, which I assume should have been less hectic. In a year, I have managed to do the same thing. I over loaded myself with objectives every year as if life would end after this. As if I have one damn chance to finish it all. Pretty psycho... isn't it?

The problem is, I have dreams.. big and colourful.. I have a lot of dreams. There is my company that I am currently creating with the documentation, the website, the brochure, the services... there is this blog, there is the book I am DYING to write, and it is crying out to get out of me every second of the day! There are of course my kids and my family. There are my friends.. lots of friends..

Shall I go more: diving trips, trips abroad; both are essential oxygen to a true Sagittarius. Parents, that I love and want to take care of. My second Masters degree, in which, for no urgent reasons, I enrolled a year ago and did nothing about so far.. except studying every now and then..

Favours and support I do to others whenever I can.

Coaching, which I do little of .

Workshops. Fun and lovely

The problem truly is not in being occupied all the time. That is not it. Problem is not being unable to have fun, cos' I do have fun!

Problem is, My dreams... colourful as they are... always somehow end up last in the list.. never done. And something in me is screaming loudly : YOUR BOOK!!!!!! YOUR COMPANY!!! YOUR COACHING!!! These voices, unfortunately, are insatiable, just like me. They ask for many things. I wish they would ask for one. Get satisfied with one..

I always think I will be on time for an appointment. I always think there is enough time to take a shower, linger with a cup of coffee... get nicely dressed and get there on time. But, I almost never do!! and never change!

Is it the same syndrome: ME : the unbeatable?? ME who can take it all? whether it is obligations, invitations, requests, meetings, outings, trips, even pains.. me who can take it all??
Well, that is quite a positive look at myself I guess. It must be far better than thinking I can't take any of it. As I write this, I remember times when I did say that actually "I can't do this anymore". I remember times when my oxygen levels were metaphorically speaking low and I had to get out.

I don't say NO. That is another issue. No is a big no no.. No can hurt others. No can deprive me of chances and opportunities. No, means not going through an open door, that might be closed later on.

A sentence rings in my ears. A sentence I read when I was studying coaching, the module on Balance. Let me fetch it for you guys. Here it is

" Balance is about learning to say no, not only to the yucky, drippy stuff that no one wants anyway, but to the good stuff too." " That apple pie looks mighty good, but I AM FULL. Thank you, but NO." It's about learning to be done rather than trying to always finish and about choosing the experiences we want to have rather than dashing about trying to have all of them."

I guess as I copy this down..what I feel is : I REST MY CASE. I Guess I have to give something up. FOR NOW... But they are all my babies.. how can I do that?? But unless I have been blessed with being pregnant in sextuplets (6 babies) that is not very likely to happen? Right?? So, it seems as if I am pregnant in one or max. 2 and for no urgent reasons (again) I am adopting babies.. which is a fine cause.. but why at the same time??

I guess... what I have to do is identify my original babies...and postpone adoption for a while.. Also, In real life with babies.. you do not really keep planning everyday ( I tried.. I swear and it did not work at all) you just go and do what it takes at the time.. just go and finish the task at hand because the baby is crying. And right now.. I can hear one baby crying louder than the rest; MY BOOK....

Thank you blog :)